Note: Warning. You are about to enter a post a little over a thousand words long, written between nine thirty and ten forty at night. My brain died the second time I read it, so it’s hardly edited at all. In summary: I’m sorry I haven’t been around, I’ll try to do better, I have trouble accomplishing things I consider small or easy, and I think that since we’re Christians and representing God, we ought to get all things done, even and perhaps especially the small things, because the small things are hardest sometimes. That, and everything matters as long as we do it to the best of our ability, and if we’re doing it for God. That’s about it.
Nine thirty at night seems to be considered an exceptional time to start blog posts, especially if a person has not gone to bed before at least eleven-something for the past several nights. Though it’s my own fault, as I stared at the starkly white “New Post” page, I knew that now was the right time for a blog post, even if I was tired.
After all, thoughts flow faster, if not clearer, when a person is tired.
This blog has been on my thoughts recently. Most of the times I’ve pushed it away. I haven’t really had the time for it recently, and I’ve been able to ignore how I told myself that I had the complete ability to make the time. I just didn’t want to.
It’s easy to ignore something, especially a mistake. And, as most of you know, I made one with this blog. Some of you know me in person or follow me on other places and so know that I’m still breathing, but the rest of you may see this post and exclaim, “Wow! She wasn’t kidnapped by aliens, after all!”
Then again, you might not, but the sentiment will probably be there.
I’m afraid I failed in my commitment to you, readers. Whoever you are, whether you’ve read that post or not, I made a commitment to post at least twice a month when I posted “What This Blog Is” on December 3rd, 2013. And in that, I failed. When months started passing without posts, it was easier to ignore this blog altogether instead of coming back to it and trying again. And for that, I apologize.
I’m not so conceited as to think that you’ve missed seeing my posts. I just think you deserve better.
I want to have a reputation for trustworthiness. I want to give Him a good representation here on earth. So why do I have so much trouble in a mere two posts a month?
Well. That has a very simple answer.
Two posts a month is a small thing. And I have trouble with small things.
Now, do not misunderstand; I have no trouble with making meals, dutifully writing in my novel, or putting away baskets of laundry.
But meals have to be done on time. There’s no ability to push it into the back of my head; that and the fact that meals must be cooked before we eat, and until we eat, we can’t move on with our day, make me manage to cook when I’m supposed to. I can also see the way I make a difference in the meals I cook. The turkey meat is no longer raw, packaged in plastic, and frozen. An important difference right there. With my novel, I don’t write in small amounts. I write in large chunks when I write at all, and three thousand words are just as likely to come as eight words.
When I put away laundry, I let it conquer the couch first. I push the need to do it away until I can’t ignore it anymore, and then I do it and see significant improvement.
If, at this moment as I write, you asked me where I was going with this, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I’m just letting my thoughts come out through the keyboard, one long pause after the other. If it seems random and disjoint, that’s why.
I like to see progress. I love to be able to check one thing off my list and see how far it’s taken me, and how closer I am to the goal. I like to be able to hear the responses and see that, yes, it’s actually doing good.
Between the fact that I could see no goal set for me to reach in posts here, and the fact that I always thought I could do it later (after all, it was only two posts every month), this blog got neglected. Adding life to the mix, you all haven’t heard from me since the first of March.
Officially, I’m using the computer while I sit next to my littlest sister, Rose, while she falls asleep. I’m sitting by her to make sure that she lays still long enough to fall asleep, and is quiet enough to not keep the other small girls in the room awake. Yet, now that her eyes have been closed for several minutes and her breathing is coming as steadily as a metronome, my presence sitting with her is probably not as necessary anymore.
Bedtime for me, I suppose. The urge to just close this tab, let WordPress save this post as a draft and sometime come back to it later came over me just a moment ago; after all, what couldI do to pull this into a logical, meaningful post right then?
And then I knew. It came from a song my two sisters sang thirty minutes (maybe longer now) ago as they finished up with the dishes in the kitchen.
We are soldiers of the cross.
The song goes on to say that “we’ve been found to reach the lost,” (Soldiers of the Cross, Randy Travis), but that one line echoed in my head.
We are soldiers of the cross.
We don’t back down. We don’t move away because we consider it to small. We’re soldiers. We’re capable; we have to be, especially when we don’t consider the task worth it.
We do things even when we don’t feel like it, to the best of our ability. Not because we want to, but because we’re soldiers and our Commander told us to do it.
We’re obligated to see this mission through, because we’re serving our King–no matter what the assignment is, no matter what we think of it, no matter how significant or insignificant it seems. Even when we can’t see progress or don’t feel like working on it. Our progress is bringing glory to His Name. Our goal is to see Him glorified.
We’re to honor our commitments, honor our authorities, honor our Lord, because that’s the right thing to do.
We’re ambassadors, representing our King.
And we’re soldiers, and as soldiers, we won’t back down. Whatever we think, whatever we feel, we’ll find a way, especially when we’re led to believe that it’s insignificant. We’ll do it later? No. Sorry. Now is an excellent time to get things done. After all, it’s for the Glory of our King.
I know we could all stand to remember this every now and then.
While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do
Steven Curtis Chapman, Do Everything